Savoring the moment

Working in August is never easy. First, it’s hot. Second, half the phone calls I make this time of year are answered with an apologetic voice-mail message that begins, “Sorry, I’m out of the office until ...”

E-mail’s get no reply, or bounce back with a message of absence. It’s vacation season. Or so it seems. Some observers say that many Americans don’t even really know how to take a vacation; that we leave the office but stay connected by cell phone, Blackberry, laptop or other electronic device.

We don’t know how to “unplug” –the symptom of a wireless age, I suppose. Still, it seems as though more than a few people are at least getting out of the office for a week or so this month.

So when I encounter someone’s post-modern version of a “Gone Fishin’” sign, I think—are they really unplugged? Or do they check their e-mail? Are they away from the office but working on a laptop or catching up on paperwork? Because some people call me back, even if their message says they are out of the office for the week.

I’m not on vacation—although I am writing this on a laptop from my husband’s family summer home, where we’re spending the weekend. We splashed in the lake with our kids and our niece, had water balloon fights. Tooled around in our 32-year-old motor boat, went waterskiing. Mostly, an “unplugged” weekend—playing, swimming, reading a book on the dock and jumping in the water every five minutes to cool off.

Last night, my kids and hubby and I got some precious family time: after supper we went mini-golfing, then walked around downtown Lake Geneva. At 9 p.m. it was still 85 degrees and sticky. The four of us sat on a street corner bench, eating ice cream and talking, watching people and horse-drawn carriages go by.

The weekend’s been a welcome respite from work (although, like lots of folks, I’m not totally unplugged—I’m writing this to meet a Monday deadline). Ironically, one of the things I’ve been working on this summer is a proposal for a book on rest. How can practices like pausing, resting, playing, keeping Sabbath—how can these things actually help us live fuller, richer lives?

I have been slowly trying to build habits of rest and Sabbath into my life over the last several years—mostly as a matter of survival. I’m not proud of this, but when people describe me, they’ve been known to use words like “intense” or even, “tightly wound.” I’ve never heard anyone call me “laid back.” When necessary, I’m able to be calm, even soothing. I’m learning to listen. In fact, I have a deep capacity for silence. I enjoy solitude, it refuels me. Still, rest is a discipline, and one that many people don’t understand. And, like me, find difficult to practice.

But because of my intensity, I need times to rest. To turn off the computer and play Frisbee on the sandbar in the lake, to walk around a resort town with my kids on a hot summer night—these things refresh my soul. Do you even know what would do that for you? What rejuvenates you? How do you disengage?

We know, at our most primal level, that in order to be able to run, you have to rest. But a lot of us really don’t know how.

I want to be fully present when I am speaking, writing, spending time with my family. I believe that you can’t do that 24/7. And I can’t focus on say, my work, and my family, at the same time. To be focused on one thing, you need to be able to turn away from other things. You have to take a break. But those breaks actually refresh and strengthen you, like a good night’s sleep does, so that you can do a better job when you return to the task at hand. That’s one reason I’m writing a book on rest—I believe it is the key to joyful and effective living.

I’d like to include stories of real people in this book. I’m hoping to interview people about how they keep Sabbath, or how they take breaks during the day or as part of their weekly routine, and the effect that has had on them physically, emotionally, spiritually. How they unplug, and how that empowers them in a fresh way when they re-engage in their work.

 I’m looking for stories of life-change. So, if you have a story to tell about how you’ve found a way to rest, to take a break—by keeping Sabbath, having family meals together, whatever, let me know.  Click here and write me a brief description of how you’re moving toward a life that includes times of rest.

I don’t have this all figured out. Just when I seem to be finding a sane pace, things will start getting too hectic. I get away for the weekend, but a deadline compels me to bring my laptop. So I don’t expect any of you to have this completely nailed, either. But I’m interested in your thoughts about this whole issue.

Take some time to rest before summer slips away. We realized, looking at the calendar the other day, that we have soccer tournaments, house guests, or both, for the next three weekends after this, and then school starts. So we’re savoring this weekend at the lake. It may be 90 degrees outside, but it feels like fall is just around the corner.

 I’m looking forward to hearing from some of you—your stories, your questions, your ideas.

 Until next time!

Keri Wyatt Kent


Copyright 2006 Keri Wyatt Kent. Do not reprint without permission. This column is original and not excerpted from any of her books.
 

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Publisher Photo

The Power of Full Engagement
 by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz.
2003 - Free Press
$15.00 (Free Shipping)

The subtitle on this book: “Managing Energy, Not Time, is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal” is a bit wordy, but sums up the point rather well. Many of us try to manage our time, and just go all out without stopping. But time is something we have little control over. Everyone has the same amount of time in each day. Energy, on the other hand, is something we can manage by our choices. A person who gets sufficient sleep, exercises and eats right will have more energy than someone who doesn’t.

I’m of course reading this book not just for fun, but as part of my research for my next book (see my note above). But it’s very interesting.

Loehr is a famous sports psychologist who is best known for his work with professional tennis players. In a groundbreaking study, he watched the world’s top tennis players to see what they did that set them apart from the lower-ranked players. The book recounts, “To his growing frustration, he could detect almost no significant differences in their competitive habits during points. It was only when he began to notice what they did between points that he suddenly saw a difference. ... It dawned on Jim that these players were instinctively using the time between points to maximize their recovery.”

Drawing from what they learned from helping athletes, the authors say that the only way to be “fully engaged” –that is, having high energy in a positive way, so that you feel “invigorated, confident, challenged, joyful, connected,”—is to periodically, but deliberately, be “disengaged.”

“The richest, happiest and most productive lives are characterized by the ability to fully engage in the challenge at hand, but also to disengage periodically and seek renewal,” they write.

The authors point out that many of us never stop, never rest. But if we are to optimize our performance on the job and in our personal lives, they point out, we must build times of rest and recovery into our routines.

If we don’t, we’re likely to only give half-effort all of the time, instead of full effort followed by rest. So we sort of flat-line. We never stop but we never really enjoy and give full effort to what we’re doing, either.

While the book is geared toward corporate types, there’s a heavy emphasis on balancing the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual components of life. Even if your job these days is full-time mothering, this book will be helpful in examining how you expend your energy, and how you can make seemingly small changes in your routine that will boost your energy and help you to disengage in a restful way, so that you can be fully engaged when you need to be.

The stories and examples make it an easy-to-read book, and one I’d highly recommend.

You can purchase this book for $15.00 with FREE shipping in the U.S. by clicking here.

Quotable Quote 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

 --Marianne Williamson, Return to Love

The quote above reminds us that we really do matter, and we need to let our light shine. I first heard this when it was quoted in the wonderful film Akelah and the Bee. If you didn’t catch this movie a few months ago in theaters, the DVD hit stores July 31 and it’s one worth owning. It may not sound that fascinating: it’s about, well, the national spelling bee. When I took my 12-year-old and her girlfriends to see it in the theater, they were like, “Mrs. Kent, we’re seeing a movie about spelling? Umm, really?” But after the movie, they were raving about it.

It’s actually a story about how your life can change when you believe in yourself, and when other people believe in you, too.

Try this as an experiment. Every day this month, spend a few minutes at the beginning of your day just sitting. As Loehr would say, actively disengage. The goal is simply to rest, even if you only have two minutes (try to go for at least five minutes). Then, engage in your day by reading the Williamson quote above, out loud. If you like, read it to the people you live with. Then, engage fully in whatever task is before you, be it litigation or laundry. See how this practice affects you. And let me know!

 Connecting with Keri

Keri will be the guest on the first edition of the new MomSense radio program. MomSense, which is produced by Mothers of PreSchoolers was formerly a short two-minute program with commentary from MOPS CEO Elisa Morgan. The program is switching to a 30-minute interview format program. In this debut program, you can listen in on a conversation between Elisa and Keri about her book Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life. Catch the broadcast over the web by clicking here or ask your local Christian radio station if they will be broadcasting it.

Keri is continuing to do periodic “audio commentary” for the Moody Broadcasting Network. These three-minute slots usually air early in the morning (around 6:15 a.m. Central). Check www.mbn.org for details. As yet, there’s no audio archive, but the transcripts are archived on the  Morning Show page.

Keri will be teaching again at Willow Creek Community Church this fall, starting Sept. 8. Her weekly class, which runs through Nov. 17, is held on Fridays from 9:30 to 11:15 a.m. This semester’s topic is Keri’s book Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life. You don’t have to be a church member to participate, and childcare is offered for a small fee, on a limited basis. Click here to register online.

Keri is scheduled to lead the two annual women’s retreats at Silver Birch Ranch in White Lake, Wisconsin September 15-17, and again September 22-24. The retreats are open to anyone, so it’s a great opportunity for small groups or individuals. The topic each weekend is The Garden of the Soul. We’ll focus on the spiritual practices of solitude, prayer, Scripture meditation, spiritual friendship and listening. To learn more or to register, go to www.silverbirchranch.org. You can learn more about the Garden of the Soul retreat, as well as my other retreat topics, by visiting http://www.ivpress.com/keriwyattkent/topics.html

If you serve in ministry with kids (and we all know mothering is a ministry!), you’ll want to check out my monthly column, For Your Soul, on the Today’s Children’s Ministry website.

It’s a column of monthly encouragement, for those who lead others, to feed their souls and reconnect with God. It’s a place to renew and refresh your soul.
 

August 8, 2006

Connecting with
Keri Wyatt Kent

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"LISTEN": Keri's new book!

Keri Wyatt Kent's newest book is titled Listen: Finding God in the Story of Your Life.

"Breathe"

In Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life, Keri looks at how the hurried pace of our lives affects us spiritually.

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